Coach the Curve: What to Ask at Each Stage of Change
By Andrea D. Carter | Belonging First Methodology™
Most leaders try to push people through change. But my published research shows that change isn’t accelerated by pressure—it’s accelerated by questions that match where people are on the curve.
If you want people to move from denial to commitment, you don’t tell them how to feel. You coach them with curiosity.
The Change Curve at a Glance
Shock & Denial – “This isn’t really happening.”
Anger & Resistance – “This feels unfair. I don’t like it.”
Exploration – “Maybe this could work… how can I contribute?”
Acceptance & Commitment – “I see where we’re going. Let’s do this.”
Each stage is normal. Each requires a different question set to move people forward.
Coaching Questions by Stage
1. Shock & Denial → Build Comfort
Signals: Disengagement, missed details, confusion.
Ask:
“What part of this change is still unclear or unexpected to you?”
“What information do you feel you’re missing right now?”
These questions reduce ambiguity and anchor people in comfort.
2. Anger & Resistance → Build Connection
Signals: Pushback, vocal frustration, resentment.
Ask:
“What’s been most frustrating or difficult for you so far?”
“What do you wish leadership better understood about your perspective?”
“What would make you feel more heard or respected right now?”
These questions validate emotion, create connection, and prevent isolation.
3. Exploration → Build Contribution
Signals: Tentative ideas, cautious optimism, curiosity.
Ask:
“What ideas are coming up for you as we navigate this?”
“Where do you see opportunities to try something new?”
“What would you need to test a new approach with confidence?”
Here, questions spark contribution and unlock innovation.
4. Acceptance & Commitment → Build Psychological Safety and Wellbeing
Signals: Optimism, ownership, support for peers.
Ask:
“What part of this new direction are you most aligned with?”
“How can your strengths help us succeed through this change?”
“What does commitment look like for you in this next chapter?”
Questions here reinforce psychological safety by inviting ownership, and wellbeing by clarifying what success looks like.
The Belonging Lens
At every stage, belonging is the bridge:
Comfort anchors clarity in denial.
Connection rebuilds trust in resistance.
Contribution sparks energy in exploration.
Psychological Safety and Wellbeing sustain commitment.
Questions aren’t just conversation; they’re culture-shaping.
Downloadable Worksheet
“Change-Curve Conversation Cards”
This one-page tool includes:
A visual Change Curve with the 4 stages.
Key behavioural signals for each stage.
3–4 leader questions to ask at each stage.
Space for leaders to note real answers from their team.
When leaders coach the curve with the right questions, they don’t just get compliance; they also foster genuine engagement. They build commitment, resilience, and a sense of belonging that lasts beyond the change itself.
This content is from Andrea’s Leading Through Change Workshop.
Want Andrea to take your People Leaders Through This Content? Book Her Here.
Read Andrea’s Published Research Here